Found (Lost…Part 2)

When it happened it was like opening my eyes. Fluttery and dark at first, and then the light started to come into focus. My surroundings began to take their shapes. I could sense familiarity here. It was like recognizing someone you knew when you were little, but now they were grown up and looked entirely different yet somehow exactly the same. They’re eyes and smile are what you remember; now surrounded by a more grown up, mature, and developed face.

When I found her, her hair was different. It was shorter and lighter. Her smile though was the same, not quite filling up the whole of her face when displayed. Her eyes were the same dark emerald green they had always been, but now they sparkled a little less, didn’t shine quite as bright as before. She dressed differently too. More adult-like and relaxed, but with the same odd flares here and there. If you looked at the whole picture of her, you might say she was a different person all together. And that was partly true.

Life is what changed her. She lost so many things; Hope, faith, desire, inspiration, motivation, creativity, longing, love, and mostly… she lost herself. She lost all the things that make her who she is. But the good part about it is that when you lose yourself, you can likely find it again. Maybe it will take a while, years even. Perhaps you will only gain back some of what has gone, but you will find those things none the less. Maybe when you find them they are different or come in new, unexpected ways. Even so that’s a good thing. You don’t want to end up finding the selfsame person that caused you to lose yourself in the first place.

All these things that make up who you are- well thats just it! They are inside of you. They are part of your core. They bond with your being on a molecular level. So maybe I lost my true self, it was happening so slowly I didn’t notice. On the way I lost all the things that make up who I am. Still, on the bright side… the climb out has reveled a lot about what I think I used to know about who I was. You have to put in a lot of time exploring the nasty, dirty, ugly, disgusting parts of yourself… to find your way back to the light.

I may not have found the light yet, but I found the way I need to get there. I’ve been exploring all of the parts of me, good and bad. I had no choice, because I got lost. I thought that finding myself again would be quick. No problem right? I’m right here aren’t I? The outside me is here, and now I see that. But finding the inside me is what I really need to do. Forget the surface, forget the me I present to the world. What about the me I present to myself? Who am I really? That’s the person I lost. The girl I can’t seem to locate. She’s also the woman I am starting to find. 

Serially Found. 

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18 thoughts on “Found (Lost…Part 2)

  1. I love the whole thing and I particularly like the last two sentences. Those two sentences are a strong and positive. I think you are rediscovering yourself, and I think you are now finding the woman you are, and are going to love all the wonderful pieces that make you, which one day will no longer be a puzzle but a very clear picture. “No one said life was easy, but they did say it was worth it.”

    • Thank you! Ive been through a very traumatic childhood and I tried to be a lot of things that I was not. That didn’t work out so well for me and now I’m recovering from deep depression. Rediscovering myself slowly and learning how I am different now that I am older is good for me, very therapeutic… but like I said slow lol
      Thank you for the feedback 🙂

    • I agree with Priceless Joy. The last few sentences are strong, provoking, and wrap up your entire post so well. Thank you for sharing this post with us.

      It seems like you’ve come a long way! That’s definitely something to celebrate 🙂

  2. Maybes it’s not going to be an easy search, but the woman you’ll find within will be better and worth it. I held my breath reading this. Captivating and inspiring. Sticks and stones my darling. ❤

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