Found (Lost…Part 2)

When it happened it was like opening my eyes. Fluttery and dark at first, and then the light started to come into focus. My surroundings began to take their shapes. I could sense familiarity here. It was like recognizing someone you knew when you were little, but now they were grown up and looked entirely different yet somehow exactly the same. They’re eyes and smile are what you remember; now surrounded by a more grown up, mature, and developed face.

When I found her, her hair was different. It was shorter and lighter. Her smile though was the same, not quite filling up the whole of her face when displayed. Her eyes were the same dark emerald green they had always been, but now they sparkled a little less, didn’t shine quite as bright as before. She dressed differently too. More adult-like and relaxed, but with the same odd flares here and there. If you looked at the whole picture of her, you might say she was a different person all together. And that was partly true.

Life is what changed her. She lost so many things; Hope, faith, desire, inspiration, motivation, creativity, longing, love, and mostly… she lost herself. She lost all the things that make her who she is. But the good part about it is that when you lose yourself, you can likely find it again. Maybe it will take a while, years even. Perhaps you will only gain back some of what has gone, but you will find those things none the less. Maybe when you find them they are different or come in new, unexpected ways. Even so that’s a good thing. You don’t want to end up finding the selfsame person that caused you to lose yourself in the first place.

All these things that make up who you are- well thats just it! They are inside of you. They are part of your core. They bond with your being on a molecular level. So maybe I lost my true self, it was happening so slowly I didn’t notice. On the way I lost all the things that make up who I am. Still, on the bright side… the climb out has reveled a lot about what I think I used to know about who I was. You have to put in a lot of time exploring the nasty, dirty, ugly, disgusting parts of yourself… to find your way back to the light.

I may not have found the light yet, but I found the way I need to get there. I’ve been exploring all of the parts of me, good and bad. I had no choice, because I got lost. I thought that finding myself again would be quick. No problem right? I’m right here aren’t I? The outside me is here, and now I see that. But finding the inside me is what I really need to do. Forget the surface, forget the me I present to the world. What about the me I present to myself? Who am I really? That’s the person I lost. The girl I can’t seem to locate. She’s also the woman I am starting to find. 

Serially Found. 

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Kingdoms: To whom it may concern.

My dearest Kingdom:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I step down from my position. I thought I could lead you, guide you. I thought maybe I was the right fit to usher in a new dawn, to change the world one kingdom at a time. To bring peace to the land. I love this country and my people, and I embody our culture wholly and without embarrassment, but I fear that is not enough. You need someone with a stronger presence. The other leaders of this nation will not take my negotiations seriously, and that is unfair to the People who need protection. It is with a heavy heart that I leave you now, dearest Kingdom.

I am appointing someone who I feel is the type of leader you need. Strong and courageous yet kind and revered. More assertive and forceful but with gentle heart and hands. Someone you can love and enemies will fear.

For in this time and place I am not yet able to support you the way you need or deserve, and the best thing I can do for you now is to leave you in the hands of someone else. Someone who is more capable… someone who is… a King.

xoxo – Queen August


When I turned to page 29 of the nearest book the first word I saw was Kingdoms. And I thought it would be nice to write a letter that reflected on the monarchal system of Victorian times when Kings and Queens ruled the worlds.

To Whom it May Concern.

One Lovely Blog Award

I am so grateful and amazed that I have been nominated for my second ever blogging award all in one week. It’s really a miracle to me that anyone cares about what I have to say. I started this blog on a whim one day when I was feeling lonely, and feeling like I needed to get stuff off my chest. Through this community I have found more love and kindness than I knew could exist, proving that even though you may experience the worst in life there are always kind people with kind words and wonderful ideas out there and not to give up on the world.

Thank you to my fellow blogger The Sound of Summer who nominated me! Since the nomination I have spent much time on this blog and he is truly well rounded in his writing and experiences, please go read his stuff! The other 14 bloggers he nominated are all very talented writers as well, please visit them if you are up for lots of good reading!

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The One Lovely Blog Award nominations are chosen by fellow bloggers for those newer and up-and-coming bloggers. The goal is to help give recognition and also to help the new blogger to reach more viewers. It also recognizes blogs that are considered to be “lovely” by the fellow bloggers who choose them. This award recognizes bloggers who share their story or thoughts in a beautiful manner to connect with viewers and followers. In order to “accept” the award the nominated blogger must follow several guidelines:

Thank the person who nominated you for the award.
Add the One Lovely Blog logo to your post.
Share 7 facts/or things about yourself.
Nominate 15 bloggers you admire and inform nominees by commenting on their blog:
Seven facts about me:

1. If I ever get married I don’t want to change my last name because I like my initials.

2. I was born and raised in Rhode Island.

3. I had my boaters license at 14.

4. I went to Italy for my 18th birthday.

5. I am the proud owner of a sparkly purple crock pot.

6. Even though I don’t see them much I love my family and think about them every day. (My dad’s side of the family)

7. it is my dream to one day own a house with a very large spare room that I will turn into a home library.

15 people that I am nominating for this award:

1. Food, Photography, & France *Amazing food photography

2. Jessica & Love

3. Awkward Girl – A poetic awkward girl

4. Finding fab-you-lous

5. Am I What You See

6. My Chordoma Journey  Incredible.

7. Better Not Broken

8. Beautiful Life With Cancer

9. Stephanie Eusebi Nutrition & Wellness

10. Of Itchy Feet and Beyond

11. Deceiving the Sorcerer

12. Little Miss Vitality a life blog, love it.

13. Fear the Norms

14. Chasing Sunrise

15. A Guide to Getting Lost photo journalism at its finest!

All of these nominees have their own stories and uniqueness, I have spent the entire day (11am-4:30pm) picking these nominees and reading through their blogs and I think all of this people have something wonderful to share whether it be story telling, poetry, humor, medical journeys, photo-journalism, etc. Please visit their blogs and see why I have picked them!

Thank you,

xoxo August

Dark Clouds.

This morning was crisp and cold. Goosebumps formed on my arms where there had not been any for months. The cold weather is settling in rather quickly these days. It’s rising up rather too fast. There isn’t enough time to adjust to the changes.

Yesterday three men went fishing early in the morning, a custom they were used to. It was a mild day at first, a little chilly but sunny and inviting. These three men were life long friends and all shared a passion for fishing. Life in the Ocean State will do that to you. You grow up here, surrounded by water and the smell of salty air, and then one day it hits you… the ocean is your place. You realize that twenty years have gone by and you couldn’t imagine a day without the beach, even in the winter. The thought of moving anywhere else is repulsive. You need the beauty of a sunset glimmering off a salty, flowing mirror. Fresh seafood bakes to bring your family together are what weekends are made of. Everyone you know has a boat or something made for the water. This is our life here. It was just a normal day in their life when they went fishing that morning.

Apparently later that afternoon the wind over the water picked up. The ocean turned from smooth glass to a swelling ocean. Not one of the three men were bothered by this. As natives of the Ocean State, the ocean is something we learn to respect. We know how it can change from calm to rough in a matter of minutes. Or how it changes from a smooth boat ride to one that tosses you to and fro with the rise and fall of each wave. It’s all part of the beauty, but its also part of the trepidation.

The three men, said the news, were apparently caught in a large swell of waves, when the boat stopped suddenly. When they looked at the engine to see what was wrong they noticed a motor had ripped from the boat and sunk to the ocean floor. It didn’t take much longer for the boat to follow. One of the men got swept away and caught hold of a light house buoy. Another man washed towards the shore, seemingly unconscious as noted by the first man. The third man… well no one knows what happened to him. The first man said he saw him being pulled away and struggling to keep swimming. He yelled is name over the ocean and got no answer except the sound of waves lapping the buoy around him.

Police and volunteers alike searched for days and days. The first two men were found after a couple of days into the search. The third man is still missing. Adam Perry was taken by the cruelty of the ocean he grew to know so well.

Even though they know what they will find, his family continues the search. At this point now they are holding on to the hope that they will find him so they can have closure. Dark clouds form over the rough waters as they continue searching. It’s such a hard thing, to accept death and to give up on the hope of finding life.

Dark Clouds on the Horizon.

This story is entirely based on true events, and I just want to say that I know a member of this family and I am so sorry for their loss and I hope they find their uncle so they can have closure and peace in knowing they brought him home.

http://www.turnto10.com/story/26695680/one-boater-found-in-all-night-search-two-still-missing

Liebster Award!!

So I have been super honored and nominated for the Liebster Award by A Momma’s View, who is a wonderful mommy blogger with a kind heart and wonderful voice! Thank you so much xoxox. (Sorry this acceptance is so late, I got busy at work and then recently I’ve been sick.)

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Here are the rules for accepting the Liebster Award:

  • Post the award on your blog.
  • Thank the blogger who presented this award and link back to their blog.
  • Write 11 random facts about yourself.
  • Nominate 11 bloggers who you feel deserve this award and who have less than 200 followers.
  • Answer 11 questions posted by the presenter and ask your nominees 11 questions

Okay here are my 11 facts:

1. I am obsessed with Nutella! Seriously you guys, you can dunk dirt in this stuff and it would be delicious.

2. The first book I can remember reading that really made me understand why reading and writing are so amazing is… Ashes of Roses. Its about an Irish immigrant family and their story once they came to America and I don’t want to spoil it because it was beautiful! Keep in mind I read this when I was in Jr. High so if you read it, it might be below your reading level but its what got little me into reading and writing.

3. My favorite color is purple. I literally have purple everything. Purple pens, purple socks, purple laptop case, purple kindle case, purple underwear, purple highlighters… Like you name it. I probably have it. Or am trying to get it.

4. I am first aid and CPR certified! oh yeah saving lives.

5. I have probably drank at least 1,000 cups of mocha coffee just in the past year alone.

6. I treat my cat Lola like she is a baby… she IS my baby.

7. Im a very odd person, all in one day I can read medieval fiction, play violent video games, paint my nails, watch scary movies, and cry for a romance novel.

8. I think the most beautiful thing in the world is the moon. I see it every evening/ night but I NEVER stop being fascinated by it.

9. I only know how to spell BEAUTIFUL because of Bruce Almighty. Lol.

10. I can recite every word in Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Mean Girls, and Fight Club. I have an odd list of favorite movies. I like all genres basically.

11. Last but not least, I used to be a State Softball Champion. BAM.

Now here comes the part where I answer A Momma’s View’s questions:

1. If you could turn into someone else for a day, who would this person be?

Beyonce, I know… what? Honestly she seems so perfect. Her voice is incredible, her daughter is beautiful, she seems to have it all. But I would like to be someone who seems to have it all because I feel like as happy and wonderful as her life appears there must be something else behind it all. I just want to see what its really like.

2. What do you prefer: Full moon and a beach or full moon and a mountain (snow covered or in summer)?

FULL MOON AND A BEACH. I grew up in The Ocean State, I love me some salty sea air<3

3. What is the most important advice you would give yourself if you could travel back in time?

You are perfect the way you are, don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.

4. If you would be cut of the rest of the world where would you like to be an with whom?

I would like to be… anywhere, by myself. I think it would be easier to be alone for the rest of my life than to only be with 1 person for the rest of my life. Like if we were the last people on Earth or whatever.

5. What scares you (really scares you, freaks you out)?

The dark.

6. What makes you really happy?

Cuddling with my cat.

7. I you could give one advice to your kids (and you know that this is the only advice you are 100% sure they will follow), what would it be?

Be honest when you get in trouble, because chances are we already know the truth.

8. What is your favorite movie?

I can’t pick just one… probably… Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter.

9.. What do you enjoy the most writing your blog?

Honestly writing is scary. Sometimes I feel like what I wrote isn’t what I wanted to say and I try to make it true but then I feel like the message gets lost, but what I love the most is when I write something and it feels perfect. Even if other people may not like it, sometimes at the end of writing a post I feel like there was nothing more I could have done to be myself. And it is amazing.

10. What is your favorite season of the year?

fall fall fall fall !!!

11. If you could be a movie character, who would you like to be and why?

I would like to be Cady Haron from Mean Girls. Because… just because.

Now its my turn to ask questions to the people I will be nominating at the end of this post!

1. What got you into writing?

2. What is the most embarrassing thing that happened to you (that you don’t mind sharing)?

3. What is your biggest dream?

4. Worst nightmare?

5. If you could have coffee with one other blogger, who would it be?

6. What is your favorite book?

7. If you were a color, what color would you be?

8. Looking back at when you made your blog, would you change the name?

9. Whats your favorite post you have every written?

10. How do you take coffee (if you drink it)?

11. What time do you wake up on a regular basis?

Last but not least, here are the awesome bloggers that I nominate for this award:

1. Whisper2Scream

2. Musings You Won’t Like

3. A Writer’s Path

4. Jade M. Wong

5. Blue Crescent Fading

6. Run Far Run Fast

7. Brainwashed Beautiful Mind

8. Dreamer Girl

9. Gelatinous

10. Randoms by a Random

Most of these Nominees are fellow Bloggin U; Writing 101 Participants and I have gotten to see them grow and change over the past month and I think they are all wonderful writers with individual stories to tell. Please check them out, thanks.

xoxo – August

The size doesn’t matter to me.

The house I lived in was plain. Every house on our street was built the same way… some brilliant idea in the 1960’s apparently. Each house a clone of the one next to it. When you look at it from the front, you first see the white plastic siding and faded black (now gray) roof. It looks just like the one next to it. The only thing that makes our house different is the landscaping. Our lawn was the only one ever green on our whole street, given that all of our neighbors were in retirement and my mom and step dad were the only abled bodies adults on the block. We had about six hydrangea bushes, baby blue swallowing up the edges of the lawn. On the left of our house there was a small grassy path between the fence and the house that led to the back yard. For some reason this path was my favorite part of this house, always.

Growing up in and around the fence was a lilac bush that was about eight feet tall. The leaves of this bush were always such a dark green they looked almost black if the sun wasn’t touching them. The lilac smell was intoxicating. It was always swarmed with bees and as much as I feared and hated them, I found peace with them here under the lilac bush. My moms bedroom window looked right out at this path but she was allergic to lilacs so she always had the window shut and the shades drawn. I used to read books sitting on the 5 foot wide path between the front and back yards. No one came to look for me here. The smell calmed me, as it seemed to calm the bees who didn’t bother with me near the bush.

There were only 2 bedrooms upstairs and a tiny hallway above the stairs. Technically I had the master bedroom, but thats just because my mom had knee problems. She didn’t want to walk up the stairs. So I got lucky. Both room upstairs ended up being mine. One was my bedroom where I slept and got dressed or did my hair. The other room had my first computer in it and a playstation one, as well as a spare bed. Honestly I don’t remember too much more about the inside of the house. It holds a lot of bad memories for me there. I remember hiding in the semi walk-in closet in my room behind hanging clothes and stacks of shoe boxes when my mom was on her drunken rampages. No one will ever know how scared I was hiding in that dark hole. Hiding from your own mother is a completely different kind of horror. All I remember about my room is that is was purple and cold. I used to have to sleep with two large comforters. And I remember the inside of the closet.

I remember the kitchen was full of wood. Wood cabinets, wood panelling walls, and wood floors. Again, one of the brilliant design ideas form the 60’s. My mom had a bunch of those cheesy country hen knit-knacks with aprons and chef hats on. I hated them more than anything. She tried her hardest to make our house warm and inviting and all I remember is how the house had an intense despair, infused into every room. They appeared cozy and quaint upon first glance, but if you sat on the couch you realized it was still stiff. No one made use of this place. The bedrooms were each little houses in their own right. We hardly used the kitchen or the living room or the dining room. Our family was not much of a family. I stayed in my second floor retreat as much as possible.

The last thing I remember is the back yard. It was cornered in by the large barn-esque garage. Full, thick, luscious, bouncy green grass kept on the outside facade that our house was warm and lived in. A small fire pit sat in the dead center. Gardens of potato plants and some other plain green bush I don’t know the name of lined the fence all the way around. Right up flush to the back of the house was a cement patio with a glass table. Next to the patio was another hydrangea. There was a little nook of backyard behind the garage that you couldn’t see from the house. We had an old wooden bench back there that was falling apart, and a small rose bush in the corner of the broken wooden fence. This was the only part of the backyard that got sun in the afternoon. I usually spent most of my time back there, doing homework or listening to my very first iPod Video.

I didn’t like that house much. I haven’t been there in over 6 years. You know how most people miss their childhood homes or have fond memories of the house they grew up in? I am not one of those people. Looking back I can appreciate a few things about that house. But to me it never felt like a home. I had a room and a bench in the backyard. I didn’t have family dinners. I didn’t have family time in the living room at night or on weekends. I was honestly home alone most of the time. I relied on myself. The house was just a technicality. I lived there sure, but I was never at home.

Size Matters.