It’s been a while since I lost her.
She used to give her heart so freely; to her mother, to her boyfriend, to her friends. They say time heals all wounds but if you keep getting wounded, one after the other, how do you find the time to heal? Every heart break and let down was a strike against her sanity. Finally, she broke. Now she is lost. Someone new appeared in her place because she could not take the anguish anymore. This new girl is stronger and much less emotional. She is not affected so easily by the disappointment of others. Her despondence keeps any sorrows at bay.
She hides behind the new girl, dormant like a bear for winter. Occasional moments of warmth seduce her to the surface, only to retreat again; reminiscent of how cold people can truly be. Even when she tries to make a come back the new girl is there like a guardian. Stuffing her back down into her solace of isolation. She will not let their wounded heart be pushed any farther.
With every passing day I can feel the other girl becoming more distant. She used to be within an arms reach… just peaking out when the time was right. Now even in times that feel almost safe, she stays hidden. It is getting increasingly harder to find her. I used to be able to feel her warmth in my core, glowing so tentatively at times of scarce joy. Now even in those rare moments, I feel only cold.