Lost… Part 1.

It’s been a while since I lost her.
She used to give her heart so freely; to her mother, to her boyfriend, to her friends. They say time heals all wounds but if you keep getting wounded, one after the other, how do you find the time to heal? Every heart break and let down was a strike against her sanity. Finally, she broke. Now she is lost. Someone new appeared in her place because she could not take the anguish anymore. This new girl is stronger and much less emotional. She is not affected so easily by the disappointment of others. Her despondence keeps any sorrows at bay.
She hides behind the new girl, dormant like a bear for winter. Occasional moments of warmth seduce her to the surface, only to retreat again; reminiscent of how cold people can truly be. Even when she tries to make a come back the new girl is there like a guardian. Stuffing her back down into her solace of isolation. She will not let their wounded heart be pushed any farther.
With every passing day I can feel the other girl becoming more distant. She used to be within an arms reach… just peaking out when the time was right. Now even in times that feel almost safe, she stays hidden. It is getting increasingly harder to find her. I used to be able to feel her warmth in my core, glowing so tentatively at times of scarce joy. Now even in those rare moments, I feel only cold.

*revised*

Serially Lost.

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20 thoughts on “Lost… Part 1.

  1. Ouch…there’s pain here. When the reader feels the pain, the writer did her job. You open for more feedback? I have two suggestions…

  2. I started this response, but something crashed. Sorry if you get it twice.

    I’m a teacher and I love to teach writing (albeit to elementary kids). Sorry if this seems to teacher-like.

    1. The piece really picks up in the second half. You might consider finding the spot where it really starts to cook for you and beginning the piece there. I have a spot in mind, but it should be your choice if you go this route.

    2. Copy and paste your piece into a document where you have a highlighter tool. Now, highlight every phrase that resembles or feels like a cliche. Notice anything?

    Please don’t take offense to the feedback. Just trying to help. Writing is so personal and so is the reader’s reaction. It can be dangerous business.

  3. Oh, I see the perfect starting point too! I would like to suggest that you breakdown that first large paragraph into at least 2 if not 3 paragraphs. I truly believe that helps keep the readers attention because it is easier for them to read.

  4. Now you need to return the favor on my 3rd installment of Loss. I won’t get to it until tonight. Be honest…and be harsh if necessary.

  5. I don’t know what change had to me made, but this final version is wonderful.

    I can see the alter personality, the comfort of knowing that other person is still in there, and the loss as she is buried.

    Good job.

    ….going to work on mine now 🙂

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