Love and hate.

Seriously there is a fine line between the two. And it’s my personal belief once you cross over from love to hate there is no going back. No matter how much someone says I’m sorry or I love you. You can’t change the fact that looking at them disgusts you. Makes your insides crawl. You’d rather let them sleep all day so you can have peace and quiet in another room than wake them up to do stuff with you. How can you come back from such anger? I believe there is a strong passion behind hatred that cannot be revoked. Once you ignite that flame it only dwindles, never goes out.

Have you ever hated someone so much you’d rather die than spend another minute near them? Because I have. And I live with him every day. Sometimes we are civil and we get along. But that’s the extent to our niceties. When he says I love you I know it’s a lie. We fight too much for that to be true. And hearing him say those lying words makes bile rise up in my throat and I try to shove it back down again.

But I have no where to go. My abusive mother lives 3,000 miles away not to mention I don’t want to resort to that. And my dad is in a shifty situation himself. And unfortunately I don’t have a good enough job to be able to live on my own. I’m broke and broken. I have no money and I am not rich in happiness. I have nothing. All I have is anger and hatred and a life of fighting and lies and disgust.

Love and hate? The saying should be love OR hate. I don’t think it’s possible to love and hate something. It’s either one or the other.

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