Burdens.

I’ve been extremely busy this past week because I’m moving on Wednesday! And on top of all that it’s been snowing so much! I’ve shoveled more snow the past 4 days than I did the entire last winter. Ugh, my arms are so sore… at least it’s one checkmark off my to do list.

Valentine’s day was pretty sad. Didn’t even get a card from my oh-so-romantic boyfriend. Even though I got him a card and made breakfast in bed (despite the fact that half the time I hate his guts). At least I got a pink rose and a pink stuffed elephant, as well as a coffee mug full of chocolates from one of my kids at work. Gave me something to smile about on the day of “love.”

I’m so dreading having to carry my life in boxes up three flights of stairs. I wish teleporting were real!! I can’t wait to be all set up so my life can get back into order. I have such OCD when it comes to my stuff. I like everything in a certain place, a certain way. When stuff around me is out of order I can feel the difference in my blood pressure. A therapist once told me this is because I feel no other control over any part of my life. Which is 1,000% true, good job Doc. Ugh, I hate feeling this way. I’m really working on myself on the inside so I can change stuff I don’t like on the outside (of my life) once I have the courage to do so.

It’s infuriating though… I always have this feeling that I’m a tiny person stuck in this body, forced to experience this life that isn’t mine. I literally feel like I’m wearing someone else as a shell. That this isn’t me and I can’t find the escape hatch.

Part of the reason for us moving was to conserve our budget and for me to be closer to work. So financially, this move should (in the end) lighten a few of the burdens on my shoulders. Right now I’m just not looking forward to the physical aspects of the move.

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