I literally cannot motivate myself. I made a new set of goals on Feb 2nd that I have yet to start. Friday was the closest I got. I did yoga for 25 minutes in the morning after my morning shift but I haven’t don’t anything since then. I haven’t been eating as healthy either. The first week I did this, I felt like I did so good overall and now it’s been 2 weeks since then and I can’t get back on track. What’s wrong with me? Why am I so stuck right now? I honestly don’t know. Wednesday was yet another snow day so now I have to worry about another short check, although I guess one positive thing about Wednesday was shoveling heavy, wet snow for an hour counted as my exorcise for the day. Also K and I managed to go through the closet and get some packing / cleaning done for the move which is sneaking up on me and I’m still not ready. Thursday I went out to lunch with my friend and we walked around for a bit after but it was really only like 20 minutes and I didn’t do much. Other than that. Friday I did yoga because I was feeling let down by my lack of motivation. Later that night I had a work meeting that ran late so I grabbed something unhealthy for dinner because I didn’t feel like cooking at 9pm. Saturday I did laundry and me and K had to go to his grandmother’s birthday party, where of course all the food was fried and I didn’t know anyone so I just sat alone and did nothing. Likewise today I did nothing either. I feel so guilty for not sticking to my goals and I don’t know where to go from here.
I’ve been reading a lot lately trying to distract myself from my disappointment. Today I decided I needed to admit to myself that I’m disappointed in myself for not putting any effort towards my goals. Friday night at my work meeting I was praised for good work and I’m hoping that, with this new discovery of my reputation that tomorrow will be a better day, and I can ease back into the swing of things. I’ve also noticed that since I stopped doing yoga every day my ankle and knee pain have been coming back. So that will hopefully push me to get started again.
For now I’m going to relax tonight and try to enjoy my evening before I have to go to bed, yet another week of getting up at 5am ahead of me. Even though the taste of guilt makes it hard to relax and enjoy anything.