Not your average New Years resolution.

I want to start by saying Happy New Year! I know this is the time of year when everyone starts by making unobtainable New Years resolutions. Sure I have a few of the cliche ones in mind: work out more, eat healthier, etc. But I also have a New Years resolution that’s usually not found on most people’s lists.

My biggest resolution is to make life easier for my dad.

He helps me out above and beyond what any ordinary father usually does for his child. He used to be happily married but unfortunately circumstances lead to my dad’s divorce. His wife’s name was on the dead to the house, luckily she had a small ounce of humanity in her and didn’t force him to leave right away. You see, my dad owns his own construction company. There were times business was booming and he made as much or even more than she did at her 40-60 hour a week VP of international affairs position at a local shipping and exporting company. So it was a good marriage. Both partners brought home the bread. However she divorced him during the economy crisis that happened around 2009/2010. Since he was a small business owner it affected his income greatly. He moved down to the basement and she stayed in the upper level of the house and they continued to live together. She was nice enough, even though she asked for the divorce, to know he needed time to get his finances together.

Four years later, he is still living in his ex-wife’s basement.

Now comes my part in this. My dad has always been extremely willing to help me out when I need it. My mother hasn’t exactly been the most nurturing woman. She skipped town before I ever graduated college, and when I did graduate and had to move off campus I had no where to go. I ended up living in the basement with my dad. The economy has recovered slightly but a lot of places still have increased unemployment, including our state. So I hit the pavement looking for a job. Literally no where was interested in me. Finally I found a mediocre job at the YMCA. Then my mother came up with a bone brained idea. I should get an apartment with my boyfriend… that way my dad doesn’t have to get lectured by the ex-bitch upstairs. So I moved into an apartment I couldn’t afford. She gives me $200 dollars a month because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to pay any bills (this was before my promotion, hoping to end this so she can’t complain to me anymore). Anyways, since she stuck me in an apartment I can’t afford without her help, and I can’t get her help without the string of guilt trips and screaming matches attached, whenever my piece of unbearable shit car breaks down I can’t afford that either. I can’t even afford to go spend the $35 it would take to buy new windshield wipers. So once again my dad hero steps in. He’s put over a thousand dollars into my $400 dollar car within the last three months. And I know that he’s been saving up so he can get his own apartment, but every time I need help he dips into his savings to help me.

I’m racked with guilt every day, every moment… waking or asleep, all I feel is guilt.

In order to make life easier for my dad I need to start managing my life better. My never ending to-do list just keeps getting longer. I need to move into a cheaper apartment. I need to start keeping money in my savings account. I need cheaper car insurance. I need an even better job, promotion or not, this job doesn’t cut it. I need to consolidate my loan debt. I need to pay off my credit cards. I need health insurance. I need to exercise more, not for superficial reasons but for my health. I need to take better care of my teeth because I don’t have dental. Then after I’ve managed to save some money I need to get a new car so I can stop putting money into an endless pit that is my vehicle.

The guilt is killing me. I need to do this for him. I need to be better and help my dad. I want to make his life easier. His life needs to be easier.

2014, at first glace for me, seems stressful… if I can get motivated and check off everything on my to-do list I don’t see any reason why 2014 can’t be a better year for me and my dad. I just need inner strength. It’s the third day of 2014 and I’m stuck inside because there is a foot of snow on the ground. I don’t know if this is a bad omen or a good one. But for now I’m going to use this time to research and get myself organised so I can start helping myself to help my dad.

I love you, Dad.

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